Introduction (1997)
The Wonderful Powers of Being is Book One in a series of three, a collection on getting free from the dangers of denial to the joys of affirmation. The next in the series will be The Affirmation Celebration: Getting Past Denial Survival, and after that Dancing the Reel Wheel: The Rhythms of Life.
(Editors note: When the first book and chapters did not sell in 1997, the other books did not get written. That does not mean they won’t be.)
Will these books change your life? Nope, not by themselves. My hope is that they will add up to a useful collection of tools. People seeking positive changes in their lives, or the lives of others, are the intended readership. Perhaps I will have communicated some ideas and feelings that will help readers bring about changes if they want to. Books can only communicate information; it is life applications that can bring about change, and make wisdom possible. As a human being and psychotherapist, the most compelling lessons I learned have not been in the library at graduate school. They have been in what I have gathered from my life experiences and those of others close to me. That is why, in writing down hard-won lessons of hurt and healing, the most important advice I have to offer is this: Put yourself in contact with people and life situations that will support growth and affirmation. Recognizing those situations and people can be difficult at times. My hope is that I can show why it is worth the effort.
The vocabulary I use is one I hope will clarify how people get caught up in cycles of creation or destruction. I also use cartoons and diagrams to illustrate these ideas. I try to avoid “pshrink-speak” and “psycho-babble”. When I don’t avoid it I try to explain it. I believe many of my professional colleagues will enjoy this book, but my primary aim is to talk to as many people as possible. If I succeed, the books will communicate the following:
~ The power in and around all of us, which we can use to transform lives.
~ The experiences that can stifle, stunt, or twist that awesome power.
~ The experiences that can feed, promote and multiply that power.
~ How living affirmatively can connect us with spirit and Spirit.
~ Overcoming relapse into obsolete responses.
We are powerful people. How we use that power may be problematic, but each of us is born with power potentials that can be developed through our entire lifetimes, if not longer. The powers I am talking about are not the super powers possessed by fictional superheroes, or finding full time employment in the Psychic Hotline. The powers I am going to speak of are relatively commonplace. The pictures seen in the picture above are the basic human abilities almost all people possess and express in one way or other. There are different levels of these abilities, different subtleties of expression. For instance, the famed physicist Steven Hawking may have been wheelchair bound, with limited physical movement, yet that man could fly, with his mind and love of the universe the only transportation.
Do the powers above seem too ordinary? No big deal, not worth discussing? Not to me. When fully considered, the Powers of Moving, Staying, Building, Breaking, Creating and Loving, are truly awe inspiring. They lead one to never underestimate the power of any “ordinary” human being.
Let’s look at these powers one at a time. We will start with Staying, the most underestimated of our powers.
The power of staying is used frequently by us, sometimes well and sometimes not so well. This variety of expressions is echoed by the language we use. Here are a few examples:
Stick in the mud.
He’s going nowhere.
Steady as the Rock of Gibraltar.
Always there for me.
Couch Potato.
You can’t budge her.
Still waters run deep.
Put down roots.
Solid as a brick wall.
Inflexible.
I need some stability.
I’m stuck in a rut.
Depending on the situation and how one views it, an employee who shows up regularly for the same job year after year, can be seen as steady and reliable, or stagnating. As with all the other Powers of Being, there are creative and destructive applications.
My favorite metaphor for the Power of Staying is the tree. When a seedling sends its roots down, and reaches with green leaflets for the light, it shows us beautifully the power of stability. It remains rooted as it grows, providing homes for creatures, and food for wildlife and us. Human beings can come close to this mindset when they meditate. Trees can grow to be one of the most beautiful sights in nature, promoting calmness and acceptance.
Unlike trees, most people have the option to move or stay. We can stay in healthy or unhealthy situations. We can remain available to those who need us. We can remain withdrawn and isolated, rechewing the same stale thoughts, feelings, memories and fantasies. The Good Witch told Dorothy that to find happiness, she didn’t need to travel farther than her own back yard. Maybe that advice was helpful for Dorothy; there is much to be said for sticking out rough situations when you are with people who love you and whom you love. But if your back yard is contaminated by a toxic dump, and your roommate hates your guts, maybe Staying isn’t the power to rely on.
Unlike older children and adults, more like a seedling, the first ability a newborn clearly exhibits is that of Staying. With the exception of that fantastic voyage from womb to outside world, they have a marked ability to stay where they are put. They can’t turn over or sit up. Big brother or sister may complain “They can’t do anything! When are they going to be big enough to play with?” From many points of view, new infants are the epitome of helplessness. How can one say that staying put is power? Babies are powerless, aren’t they?
The result of this “powerlessness” is that in reasonably well functioning families, babies get their needs met by adults. Make a little noise in the night and some poor bleary eyed adult brings a breast or bottle, and that strange pain (hunger) goes away. Other baby noises, movements, and facial expressions get different responses. Some of these are holding and comforting, tickle games, clean diapers, songs and goo-goos, baths, powders, bright spinning colors and shapes, and those fascinating faces that a baby is neurologically wired to stare at.
Babies are helpless and they are powerful. For parents, the transition to parenthood can be a rude awakening. Suddenly, all of life is centered around the smallest, least capable person in the household. The only hint of the future situation is the nine months prior a mother is at their baby’s beck and call, and the practice some partners get attending the needs of the mother.
It is not just the power of a baby’s cry. Ever hear a parent babble on about their incredibly beautiful baby? And then meet the baby and bite your tongue about how much they resemble ET the extraterrestrial? Parents are subject to their wiring, which warps their perception, and there is nothing to be done about it. Nor should we do anything about it if we want our species to survive.
Parents may feel resentful, sleep-deprived, harried and overwhelmed at times. I can remember feeling twinges of resentment and envy when another parent said “Oh my sweetums is such a good baby; she’s already sleeping through the night!” Did that make my daughter “bad” because her earaches and colic kept all of us up through the night? It is perfectly understandable for parents to see their children as “good” if they rarely make noise to get their needs met, or “bad” if they are noisily demanding. If taken to an extreme, however, children can get the message that expressing needs is bad. Care must be taken.
Babies are not the only example of the power of Staying, however. Stillness can be a survival skill. If one is trapped in certain combat environments, to move is to get noticed, and to get noticed is to be wounded or killed. Adults or kids using this survival skill when it is not needed, are often described as “still as a mouse” or “like a scared rabbit.” Both of these animals know how to stay perfectly still when running away from a predator is too risky. (They also can move with impressive speed when it is called for.)
So Staying can take on life-affirming or life-denying characteristics. If one remains immobile out of fear, is it fear based in the present or the past? Is staying in one place a way to take in what you need in your life, such as growth, income, loving relationships, giving and receiving? Are you like the tree, or the scared rabbit? Are you really prey with the world a predator waiting to pounce, or is that an old reality which no longer applies?
As we look at the other Powers of Being, these types of questions will be expanded to help determine if we use our Powers to limit or enhance our potential. Instead of staying with the Power of Staying, let’s move on to the Power of Moving.
~ Wry Welwood
Chapter 2 to be released November 2022.
copyright Leroy W. Jones, 1997.
published 1997, Wellwood Publications, and edited by Leroy W. Jones.
re-edited April 2021, by Wry Welwood, and published in Illumination Book Chapters on Medium. Re-edited October 2022 for distribution in Shadow in Light.